I know you have all heard it. Those comments, remarks, snares.... it kind of sucks and sometimes. And let's be honest, we all want to say to most of them, "it's none of your business!" Am I right? What am I talking about?
The comments moms get about how close {or even} how far apart in age our children are {or AKA: The Sibling Age Gap war}.
I know this subject comes up a lot. And there are some people who are very sensitive when someone makes a remark and others who say to get over your feelings and toughen up about what others say to your face about the subject.
I've been seeing this topic come up a lot on Facebook and in different baby site articles. So I figured I would put in my experience with it all. I have already read three different posts about this on my Facebook feed just today.
So raise your hand if you have ever been out in a store, walking down the street, or just having a day out at the park, and you have been the victim of this question?
"So, how far apart are they?"
As a mother of three, but two of my children are 13 months and 30 days apart, I get this one a lot. And I mean.... a lot! But I will come back to this one in a future post.
Before I had my third child, my oldest daughter was six years old when my son was born. I used to hear remarks all the time from people about the age gap. I would hear that they are too far apart. I should have been more like them and kept my children's age gap a little bit closer. It would be better for them. They would have each other to play with and they would never feel alone. They would be best friends and things are just better when children are closer in age to "just get it out of the way". I had heard that more times than I can count. "Just to get it out of the way and be done".......
But I always responded, that my brother and I were 14 months apart and it wasn't always so great. So I don't mind my children being a bit farther apart. I see it this way.... my oldest can be a big helper for me with the baby. And boy was she...as still is.
I didn't see what the big deal was. Why people were so worried that my daughter and son had six years between them. I don't see that as a big age gap. Now some people I know have siblings who are 10+ years between them. One of my friends in high school was a prime example. We were both 17 and her oldest brother was in his 30's. And why should it matter if a family has children far apart in age? What difference does it make to the commenter?
I admit that once I became a mom the first time, I didn't want to have any more children. One child was more than enough to handle for me at the time. So I had no thought about adding in another anytime soon. But once my daughter turned three, my mind started to change. I felt more comfortable being a parent and finally felt I was getting the hang of it all. I had just spent a year as a single mom while my husband was away for work halfway across the country. We didn't get to see him except four times throughout that year he was gone. By the time he returned, I felt like I wanted another baby. But it didn't seem to come that easy. It took three more years until our son was finally born.
So if I had to have it go the way I felt, I would have been pregnant when my daughter turned three. But life doesn't always go as we want it to. So when she turned six, we welcomed our son. And of course, with that welcome, I also got a lot of comments on how they were just too far apart. And to me, that is where the sensitivity comes into play. For people being told that they should have calculated it better to have their children closer in age...well, sometimes we can't play God and things either happen or they don't. So to me, the comments about how children should be closer in age can be cruel ones and really kept to themselves.
Why do people see that they need to put you down and say stupid things about your children being a few years or more apart? I don't know about you guys, but it really bothered me at the time when I just had my daughter and son. I hated people telling me advice because my son would make my daughter's life a living hell as she entered the teenage years and he would be the "terror little brother" always in the way and getting on her nerves. I had someone ask me even why I would do that to her and torture her life with a little brother who was six years younger. Why didn't I keep them closer in age?
It just really ticks me off when people give that "oh-so-unwanted advice". Please tell me I am not the only one that it bothers around here. It shouldn't bother me. I should be able to just brush it off and say, "whatever" and walk away. But it does bother me. So tell me, have you ever heard the unwanted comments of having your children too far apart for some people's liking? I feel like I am at war with defending myself and my children's ages sometimes.
Why do people see that they need to put you down and say stupid things about your children being a few years or more apart? I don't know about you guys, but it really bothered me at the time when I just had my daughter and son. I hated people telling me advice because my son would make my daughter's life a living hell as she entered the teenage years and he would be the "terror little brother" always in the way and getting on her nerves. I had someone ask me even why I would do that to her and torture her life with a little brother who was six years younger. Why didn't I keep them closer in age?
It just really ticks me off when people give that "oh-so-unwanted advice". Please tell me I am not the only one that it bothers around here. It shouldn't bother me. I should be able to just brush it off and say, "whatever" and walk away. But it does bother me. So tell me, have you ever heard the unwanted comments of having your children too far apart for some people's liking? I feel like I am at war with defending myself and my children's ages sometimes.
I'll be adding my thoughts and experience on other people's comments to children who are very close in age in a future post. So stay tuned for that one.
I will never understand why people feel the need to comment on things like this! Like, it is SO none of your business how I choose to grow my family! Why do people feel like it's ok to say something about that?? We don't have kids and we always get the "When are you guys going to have kids?" or "Don't you want children?" Um, nunya! ;)
ReplyDeleteGet this...my oldest is 23 and my youngest is 15 months. Talk about an age gap. Many are shocked by this, but I don't care what anyone thinks. Actually, they really should keep their opinions to themselves unless it's something positive.
ReplyDeleteThat is another one I hear soooo many people talk about as well. The harassment of when they are going to have kids. I wish it would all just stop. I know one of my friends would hate it because she can never have children and she hates being asked that all the time.
ReplyDeleteOh wow Paula... you sure got me beat LOL but seriously though.... there is nothing wrong with it. I don't understand why they can't keep it to themselves. In part 2, I have a doosie of a story to talk about that happened to me when someone made a comment. People are just crazy. And my youngest is 15 months old too :)
ReplyDeleteall thanks goes to Dr zak for helping me getting my family back with his spell.if you out there have problem with your wife, your husband of girlfriend contact he at email drzaktempleoffinalsolution@gmail.com he will definitely help you as well
ReplyDeletePeople always have something to say, don't they? I mean it is not that easy to plan out the amount of time between children. For two of our kids, we were actually trying to prevent pregnancy. But hey, accidents happen, and we love them just as much as our planned child, who we went through months of TTC and 2 miscarriages to have.
ReplyDeleteYou are right. It is very hard to tell so why do people think they know everything? It's a bit crazy. And I totally agree with the statement you made about the personalities rather than age. I see some kids who get along so well and are close because they just are. Regardless of how far apart or close they are in age. I don't know why people have to label and make it such a bad thing on an age difference.
ReplyDeleteIt's not just easy to plan out. I honestly thought it would be for us since our first was not planned and I figured that if it were that easy to get pregnant when you weren't trying to, it should be a snap to get pregnant when you wanted to. But I was so wrong. It was a mess and emotional. So that is why I don't understand why people start having to comment on things regarding age when life just happens that way. It can't all be planned out exactly how we want it to be.
ReplyDelete