When People Hate The Surprise

surpriseThe title is a bit crazy, huh? What surprise? Well, I'm talking about the surprise of the baby. I have been dealing with questions and comments for over a year now that I honestly never thought was such a big deal. But apparently, it is a SUPER big deal to some. And by some...it feels like majority.

I didn’t know that people got so offended because YOU don’t want to to know the gender of your baby. I still don’t understand that. Ever since our pregnancy last year where we decided not to know the baby’s gender until we wanted to know {at the end of the pregnancy at our gender reveal party}, people have just made some rude comments about it.

I’ve been told it’s selfish of me for not wanting to let other’s know and it’s not fair. That I should just let them find out and they won’t tell me…..I’ve heard it all. I don’t know how it can be selfish that I don’t even know the gender of my child. But I was told that by a friend. I was told that how could they possibly buy things for me if they don’t know the gender. I plainly told them, I only register for gender neutral attire and things anyway. I love gender neutral items and it’s all I want.

Apparently, that’s not good enough for some people. Why? I just don’t get it…what does having to know the gender of my baby change? To me, it changes nothing. So that is why I choose not to know. Nothing changes on my thoughts or feelings. I choose both a boy’s and a girl’s name, I have gender neutral items so no worries there. I just don’t get what will change if I knew or not. Seriously! What is the big deal? When they were pregnant, they chose to find out and that is fine. But it’s all of a sudden the end of the world if I don’t want to know.

Now that we are halfway through this pregnancy, I still choose not to know the baby’s gender {until the end when I have my reveal party} and yet, it still bothers people that I won’t find out. I honestly, don’t know what the big deal is to know. I have had no desire to know what I am having and therefore, makes it so much easier not thinking about it. I like the surprise…what can I say? Why is that so wrong to want to have a surprise? Why are people so bothered by my decision? I just don’t get why you would say mean things to someone who just doesn’t want to find out. Is it really that necessary? It’s not going to change the way I feel about you and that I will want to now just find out just because you want to know. Sorry!
I know some people that find out and do not tell anyone. They only know and that’s what they want. I know some people who find out as early as they can and have to shout it out to the world. Believe me, once I know, I would love to yell it for everyone to know. And there are some people who choose not to know until the actual birth. Why is it so wrong to want to have an option? Not everyone has been mean to me about it. Some people {few, but still there are some} who think it’s great that we don’t find out right away. But I’ve been bombarded for over a year now with hits from friends about not knowing. Shouldn't a friend be a bit nicer?

So that is my rant. It’s something that has been bothering me for a while now and it keeps building up and coming up the father along I get into my pregnancy. I know back in the day, you had no way of finding out so no one could say “How dare you not find out and be selfish!” But in today’s society with the 4D ultrasounds {which I have never had through all three of my pregnancies but I would have liked to}, finding out the sex as early as possible is just what everyone assumes you have to find out.

I have disappointed too many people and I guess I will continue to. It’s my decision.

So, what are your thoughts on not finding out or finding out the gender? Have you been in my situation where you decided not to and got so much crap from friends about not wanting to know? I would love to hear how your dealt with it or your thoughts.


  1. Oh wow! I can't believe how mean people are being when its YOUR baby!!! That's crazy! It's YOUR choice! I don't think I could handle waiting, but to each his own!

    Maybe they are really bothered with the fact that you ARE going to find out, but not until the end of the pregnancy? Most people if they decide to wait just wait until the actual birth.

    Either way, its still totally your decision!

  2. Selfish of you? What about them? It's your baby!! You do not owe them anything or any details about your pregnancy. The nerve of people these days. I experienced the same when we didn't find out what we were having during my first pregnancy.

    I didn't pay those people or their comments any mind. You'd think they'd be more concerned about you just having a safe pregnancy in general.

  3. Holy hell .. what has this world come to that we now judge people for not revealing the sex of their baby? It's ludicrous to me! It's your baby and you can find out whenever the hell you want!
    I love the gender reveal parties. I think it's such a cute idea!

    (¸¤ Lanaya | xoxo

  4. Woooooooow! People are weird! Calling you selfish?? What is wrong wwith THEM! it's your baby! And I think it's a cool idea! Don't listen to them!!!!

  5. I guess I will (maybe) find out what you're talking about, since I don't want to know until the birth next time, if there is a next time. The truth is, I think friends and family will always harass you about SOMETHING. They think your pregnancy is their business. I think it comes from some sort of instinct to gather around a pregnant woman and help her, back from when we all lived together in tribes and such. But now a doctor and/or midwife does all the helping, so the only way they know how to help is to butt in and be as nosy as possible, and give as much advice as possible. It's annoying, sometimes I just want to hide in a cave during pregnancy.

  6. That's ridiculous! It's not selfish of YOU, it's selfish of THEM to be so disrespectful. It's your child and your choice!

  7. Oh my goodness, I could go on forever about this, but I'll spare you! My husband and I are expecting our first and chose not to find out. Ever since we were dating we both always felt the same way about not finding out our baby's gender (at least with the first one) until the birth. I'm not a huge fan of surprises, but this is one of life's few, and we wanted to embrace it. When people ask what we're, they are so taken aback by the fact that we chose not to find out. They say things like "Wow, that would drive me crazy!", "So is everything your buying gender-neutral?", "Why don't you want to find out, don't you all want to know?", and the icing on the cake is when I refer to our child, they automatically insert a "Oh so its a boy/girl?" when I never said anything but "the baby". Its so frustrating and crazy to me that people get upset with us, because we choose not to find out. All we want and pray for is a healthy baby who is either a boy or girl, but we don't have a preference on either gender.

    Tenns @ New Mama Diaries

  8. Rebecca, I commend you for standing up for your beliefs. It is NO ONE's business how you live your life. Twenty-some years ago there was no such thing as a gender reveal party or ultrasounds. I was pleasantly surprised when my boys were born. To be honest, by the third one it was recommended I submit to this new fangled test called an ultrasound and then I wanted to know. If I was having a third boy I had time to "mourn" the girl I would never have. When insensitive people make rude remarks to you, smile and tell them that it is your decision. Thanks for linking up this week at My Favorite Posts Show Off Weekend Party. Hope to see you again soon!

    Michelle @ On A Wing And A Prayer

  9. I have always thought it was a very cool decision when people chose not to find out right away about the sex of the baby. I mean, what a cool surprise!

    I think having a healthy baby should be the most important thing people are concerned about.

  10. We waited to find out the gender of our first child until she was born. No one was rude to us about our desire to do so, but not too many people understood why we wanted to do that. Oh well. We had our reasons. Plus it was a fun surprise. :)

  11. We are finding out, but are waiting a bit to tell people. You are right though, there are just some very opinionated people out there. Same people who had issues with when we made it public that we were pregnant. I figured if they have a right to share their opinion, I have the right to not care and share my opinion with them.

  12. This is completely crazy!! It completely boggles my mind that people would have the nerve to call YOU selfish for not telling them a very personal detail about yourself. People don't demand to know (and don't even ask usually) the results of any other medical tests, but it seems like when it comes to pregnancy it's all fair game!! Unbelievable! Good for you for sticking to your guns!
    When I was pregnant, my husband and I were the only ones who knew the baby's gender. People knew that we knew the gender but wanted to keep it to ourselves and most respected our decision, but I had some people do everything they could to get it out of me. My MIL asked in almost EVERY.SINGLE. phone conversation...and tried to play the "how will I know what to buy" card? My response to that was "the same thing you'd buy if we didn't know the gender"!! Made me so frustrated!! (sorry I'm ranting now...)