I've wondered this for a while. How many people actually change their name after they get married? Did you? Or did you keep your old last name or did your husband agree to to change his? There are so many options. And I have known people who have done them all.
Growing up, I always assumed when you got married, you changed your name {the girl anyways}...so I actually thought this was a rule. Boy, was I wrong once I got older and my friends started getting married. I noticed that it wasn't the norm anymore to change your last name to your husband's. Nothing at all wrong with that. I just never heard of anyone doing that til I got older.
When I got married, I went and changed my name literally that week. Part of me was sad to let go of a name I had been known as my entire life. But I was more excited of the change and the beginning that it felt like. A new start and a new life now married. Plus, my old last name was a bit more on the "uncommon" side and I had to deal with the constant everyday battles of correcting people on pronouncing it or spelling it right. So I was eager to change my last name to my husband's where I now have no issues with anyone getting it wrong. It's a lot more simple than my maiden name was.
I put together my own Name Change Kit instead of buying one. It made it really easy to change it honestly. People I knew were telling me horror stories of how difficult and long and drawn out the entire process was and most of the people telling me said it was the very reason they were not changing their last name.
But I must admit, I found everyone's advice wrong. It was pretty simple and fast to change everything from my past to my new last name. I just sent in the copy of the marriage license to all my bills and it was switched just like that. The only real "hassle" I found was the four hour wait at the Social Security office to get a new card. But other then that, everything was easy.
It's funny how fifty years ago, all women changed their name once they got married. It was the norm. Now, I feel as though I am the odd man out of my friends. I think I am the only one out of the people I have talked to the most around here that changed their name. And have been married the least amount of years as well.
Two people in-particular said they would never let a man feel like they "own" them and in that case, they kept their maiden name after being married. One of them actually put me down so much for changing my name, I stopped talking to them all together. They said that when you change your name, you give your man all your power and lose who you are. Do you agree? I don't. I still am the same person. The other one also said that she wouldn't change her last name in case they ever got divorced, she didn't want to have to go through the process of changing it back.
These two people also just recently had babies {been married for a few years now} and have both fought over who's last name the baby should have. I see nothing wrong with a child taking the mother's name but I don't think it's fair to fight over who's last name the baby should have. I know one of them decided that the first born gets the mother's last name and the second gets the fathers to make it fair. The other girl said she gave in and let the baby have her husband's last name but hates herself every time she has to use her daughter's full name to anyone.
Then I know someone else who had a mutual agreement with their husband. They both wanted to keep their last name so instead of her hyphenating her maiden name to her husband's last name, he agreed to change his as well and they both have them hyphened together as well as their children.
They are the only couple I have known to both change their last names to form a new one together. And it works. Nothing wrong with that. It's just not that common. But it worked out perfect. Both of them seemed to be happy with the decision.
So how do you feel about name changing? I think whether you decide to keep your last name, change your last name, or simply come to an agreement where you both change your name....it all works as long as you are happy. I changed my last name once I got married.....but I'm curious as to your thoughts on the whole "name change" idea.
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I feel like you. I wanted to get rid of my maiden name because it was more complicated that my husband's name. I was sad to say goodbye, but my new name (well not new anymore) is me more than my old name was!
ReplyDeleteI changed my name. At first I just assumed his name, lots of paper work! From me it was a LOT of work to get everything with my new name on it, in fact the bank still hasn't completely caught up with it and we've been married for two years.
ReplyDeleteNow my uncle's family was upset when his wife choose to not take his name when they married about 10 years ago, but we're surprised that I took my husband's. Double standard? lol
I changed my last name after we got married. It only took me about two weeks to get it all done because I could only make it to the DMV and Social Security. The Hubby and I never really discussed me not changing my name. One of my friends suggested that I hyphen my last name, which would of created even more problems since my maiden and his last name are both very uncommon/unusually spelled. I think it's actually easier in the long run to just change your name to your husband's last name {in my opinion}
ReplyDeleteTo be honest if I got to marriage it wouldn't bother me at all if my wife changed her name or not and if her second name was a good one I'd probably consider changing mine to hers which I've heard does happen. I'm like you originally, my second name's pretty bizarre and is perhaps more trouble than it's worth.
ReplyDeleteI didn't have a problem changing mine .. I had a non-traditional German last name and changing to Cooper was great!
ReplyDeleteStill, this is a hot topic and I know women who have refused to change and have hyphenated.
I guess to me it's their perrogative.
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My maiden name was a nice short last name and easy to spell(Isaac)and my married name is long, hard to pronounce, hard to spell, basically everything my maiden name was not! (Thibodeaux, pronounced Thib-A-Doe)
ReplyDeleteI never truly considered NOT changing my last name, for a few reasons, but 1, I am the last Isaac. Which is sad, yes, but if my parent's had truly despaired over being the last Isaac, they could have kept trying until they got a boy! They didn't, so while I do LOVE my maiden name and am so proud to be my parent's daughter, keeping my last name would have just made me the last Isaac for another 50-60 years. Even hyphenating it wouldn't have changed anything in the end.
Now, oddly enough, my husband would have supported me if I never wanted to change my last name and even said if he would not be teased mercilessly about it, he would have changed his last name to Isaac just because it is SO much easier!
I wanted to change my last name to his, because I am proud of being a wife, of our family being and extension of him and I. Thibodeaux isn't just his last name, it is ours. My mother in law, my sister in law, my nieces, we are the Thibodeaux women. Married into a long last name, but we kept it. Because that's just what you do.
Conversely: I believe if a woman is of a more mature age or with a career where name recognition is important, I believe keeping your maiden name is more appropriate.
I have always known that I would change my name when I got married. I'd be proud to have the last name of someone I love who loves me back. A name means nothing when it comes to who I am or what I stand for. I will still be me. Just Mrs. me.
ReplyDelete* Barring whomever I marry having a HORRIBLE last name LOL
I added to my name, but opted out of the tired hyphen. My boys have both my last names while my daughter has just her daddy's last name. It may be confusing to others but it works for us! BTW, I'm your newest follower via the Thirsty Thursday Blog Hop!
ReplyDeleteI changed my name when I married my (now ex) husband. In the UK it is easy to do. From the time you are married, you just start using your new name. :)
ReplyDeleteBut then we got divorced and I met my current fella. And we went on to have a baby. So I changed my name to HIS last name, even though we weren't yet married. I wanted our son to have his last name, and I wanted us all to match. But unfortunately, the name change was only legal in the UK.
Now we have come back to the US, and I am back to using my maiden name. I had never got around to changing it to my ex-husband's name legally here, and so the only legal name I have is my original one.
But at some point, when we finally get married (we have had a second baby now, so it's taken a while!), I will for sure be taking his name. :)
Lurker, but I had to post since this is an issue near and dear to my heart. I grew up with parents who kept their own names and gave me a hyphenated one. I really didn't like having a hyphenated last name, and vowed I would immediately take my husband's name once I got married. But, somehow all the stuff my mom talked to me about keeping your last name stuck. When push came to shove, I wasn't sure that's what I wanted. Luckily, I have an amazing husband who entered into a dialogue with me over the year or so of engagement about what we would do. I knew I wanted us both to have the same last name (to solve the kids issue), so we objectively looked at his last name and both parts of mine and considered which was easiest to spell and pronounce and least likely to cause teasing. We also talked about who would be sacrificing more for our marriage. When it came down to it, my husband decided that it made sense to take one of my last names for us both. Almost 3 years later, we are both very happy with our last name, and it makes me feel so loved that my husband made that sacrifice for us. I think as long as the couple makes a conscious decision about why they decide on their last name, and actually has a fair dialogue about it, then any decision can really be the right one.
ReplyDeleteI didn't change my name. I knew that my maiden name was almost extinct in the family. I also didn't understand why I had to change what I'd been used to my entire life. My hubby had no problem. But hes insisted on using the traditional Mexican naming system, of using mine, then his ; legally his would be the only last name, mine would be a second middle name.
ReplyDeleteI dropped both my last names (I had 4 names total) when I got married. I was glad to get a more simply spelled name and to only have 3 names, like most people have. And for all of our family members to have the same last name. :) I don't feel owned at all!
ReplyDelete