Damn Damn Damn Damn - xoxo Rebecca

Damn Damn Damn Damn

WEDNESDAY 09.26.12
Oh yea, it's one of those posts...LOL....
Oh where to begin. I was considering saving this for my pregnancy update on Thursday but I decided I'll just post it now.
Well, Monday was supposed to be my first day back to work since my surgery on the fourth of this month. I pushed myself hard to get mentally and physically prepared over this past weekend. But part of me still didn't feel ready. I felt it was still too soon because I noticed a few things:
  • I attempted to drive to myself to the library and Target and by the time I got through our door at home, I was literally in tears, couldn't walk, hunched over in the worst possible pain ever. I was grabbing the counter for my life trying not to fall over from the pain.
  • I attempted to give my daughter a shower and bending down to wash her up felt like a nightmare. The muscles felt like I pulled them too hard though I thought I was being the most careful.
  • If I was up for more then five minutes, I felt something was wrong. I would get into this pain mode and knew it was too early to be up this much. Even though I told the surgeon I could do it.
But regardless of all this, I still prepared myself for my first day back to work. It didn't happen......
Instead, I got a bit of a scare which lead me out of work again.
Sunday night, I noticed after using the bathroom and an extremely stressful day {really bad stressful....the worst fight with the husband yet. It was super bad}, I noticed I was beleeding.
I freaked out. How could this be? I have never once even the slightest have had this happen through the whole pregnancy.

So naturally I started to really go into panic mode. The husband tried to tell me it was nothing and go to bed and see what happens in the morning. It was late and I was like, great, I have to get up in five hours for work and now I am never going to be able to sleep. And I didn't. I was awake the rest of the night. When I woke up in the morning the blood was still there. I tried calling the hospital because they are the emergency line for my doctor's office and it was too early in the morning for my doctor's office to be opened. I waited and waited for them to get a hold of a doctor but no luck. So I called my job and told them the situation and they told me it sounds like I need to not even come back for at least another week.

I called my mom and she thought by all the signs with the horrible contraction like pain, the back pain and what-not and the bleeding...I'm going into labor. And honestly, I really hoped I was. I am so ready for this to be done with now.

Finally getting a hold of my doctor they wanted me to come in. So I did and they checked me out. The bleeding had stopped and no sign of that the doctor could see from the exam. He said my cervix is still 100% closed so no sign of baby coming. I was just experiencing false contractions and the bleeding was from tissue being irritated and softened.

However....................
There is a concern. And it has to do with my surgery incision. He removed the rest of the bandages now so it was all exposed. I haven't had it exposed yet. So it's freaking me out how gross it is. But I was stressed to hear it's not healing like it should. It's still open and that's not good.
It's not healing because when I stand up and when I'm walking, my stomach is so big and so heavy, the baby's weight pulls down on it, making it impossible for it to come together. He said this could cause a bad infection which we do not want at all.

So also all those pains I have been getting from walking was also tearing open the incision. Joy! Not..... not fun at all. This really sucks. So I go Thursday for another check up to see how I am healing now with everything exposed and if it looks better or not. If not, then he will send me back over to the surgeon for further evaluation on what they want to do. I'm hoping it doesn't get that bad. That really scares me.

With the baby punching away as well, its not helping the pain nor the healing. Seriously people, having surgery toward the end of your pregnancy sucks totally bad. Especially when they have to cut you right next to the baby. So I am on strict bed rest the rest of this week only getting up when necessary to get this sucker to heal and no pressure pulling on it. Though, even when I'm laying down trying to get comfortable, it still pulls and I feel it and I hate it. I can't avoid it and that really kills me.

So as of right now, I'm scheduled to go back to work October 1st. Though it scares me still. We just have to see how Thursday goes. I'm having an ultrasound done to check baby which I love. I'll be 33 weeks so seven more to go. I'm just really wanting them to have this baby born now. I'm so over all this mess. September has not been a good month to me. Nothing ever went wrong until September hit. Now, it's turned me into this mess...blah...damn you September.

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xoxo Rebecca