♥ Not Feeling Well ♥ - xoxo Rebecca

♥ Not Feeling Well ♥

So I stayed home from work today because I had been having harsh chest pains this past weekend and then could not sleep all night because of it. The this morning was dead tired and still haven't been able to fall asleep due to the pains. I hate this. I haven't had these pains for almost a year and now they started back up Saturday morning. Great. The pain comes when I exhale or if I hold my breathe, every time I feel my heart beat, the pain thumps with it. If I stretch or lift my right arm, its there too.
Basically just doing anything, the pain is constant and annoying. I hate this. So I have been just sitting on the couch all day watching tv and trying not to move a whole lot.

So anyway, here is a picture of me rocking out the pajamas today. I have the awesome grey Kitty pants on. I know, these are my fav and I love wearing these. I wish I could wear them all day everyday. Be jealous cause you know they are sexy.


So excuse the "Plain Jane" hair and makeup. There is no makeup on me nor it there even any conditioner in my hair. Just frizz from the shampoo. Yea, I think this will be the only time I post something like this of me with no makeup on. Or at least a really good edit where I still look all awesome.

The reason for the picture is because some of you had read about a rant I did how I have been told I am too fat to have any more children. And yes, I do not like showing my entire body in my photos. I used to be a 10! I had the most perfect and amazing body. But I have been told by two doctors that I am too overweight to conceive any more children.

So here is my body and just what the doctors are talking about. I know I am overweight for my height. I'm 5'7" and should be 30 pounds lighter to be considered "healthy". But my family doctor and my "womens parts" doctor both told me that the reason I am not pregnant is because I am too overweight. I was told to lose 30 pounds and then I should have no problem becoming preggo again.

I think this is not really the problem honestly. I know so many other people that are pregnant or have been pregnant and numerous amounts of times as well that are wayyyyy bigger then I am. Even by 100 pounds bigger and still popped out three or four kids. But when I told the doctor that, he said they were maybe the exception to the rule because if we have been trying to have another baby for the time we have been, then it has to be because I am too fat. Otherwise, it wouldn't' take that long.

So it hurt my feelings and I hat the way I look. I always feel so fat. Especially when I think about how I looked before I was pregnant with my daughter. But having not one, but two doctors tell me I am fat, really hurts. I really want more children and ok, maybe losing some weight would help, but I don't see how that could be the only reason.

So what do you think? Agree with the doctors who are supposed to be the smart ones and know everything? The one told me I was teetering on obese and that's why I am having problems. And yes, they used that word "obese". I really think I would slip into a huge state of depression if I ever became that way. And according to them, I am not far from it at all. About 10 more pounds and that's what they would consider me as.

Its just really depressing to think about. And I get really jealous and happy but sad when someone else I know is pregnant. I tend to not write a whole lot of personal posts, but I was in the mood for this one.
xoxo Rebecca