War - xoxo Rebecca

War

So last night, pretty much was full blown WWIII in my house. I have been going through some things, trying to keep them all blocked inside me about things I was suspecting that wasn't very loyal in my marriage and I finally took it full on and blew up completely and waged war on myself and him. Cussing him out, yelling, screaming.... just everything to get it out there what I suspected he was doing behind my back and hiding and lying about it.

That was what my little break from blogging was all about. I was so depressed and so over emotional. Not to mention, I ave had the flu for almost a week now and cannot get rid of it for anything. I cannot stop blowing my nose. You would have thought that I could have no more snot in my entire body for the rest of my life after what I have been going through. Kleenex has been my best friend.

And let me tell you that when you are very sick and then completely attack someone emotionally when you are a very over emotional person, well.... lets just say that I couldn't stop crying nor making my nose stop running. I had a bad fever, sore throat, drippy nose, horrible headache which has made every nerve in my face hurt so it feels as though my entire mouth is one big toothache. Ouch!

So yes, since Valentine's Day, things haven't been the greatest around here. My husband was all pissed I accuse him of things, but they are things i find, not that I'm just making up.... so of course, I'm going to blow up and get upset about it. Its not things I'm just thinking are going on. I knew. Of course, he's not the kind to be emotionally showing anything to help. So that makes it worse cause then I feel as though he doesn't care.

I don't really know if we even made up cause he's the type that doesn't say everything is fine. We just leave it as is and then go on like we normally would and I suspect everything is fine. So I am guessing everything is ok now. Today we had another episode of a blow up about it too. I can't shake things off so easily as I would like to. I know I shouldn't be posting about personal stuff like this but I just wanted to get it out of my system.

So he went to a friends now and before he left we were talking rationally, so I guess things are just back to normal again. I hope anyway. I hate fighting and feeling insecure because that gives him reason to just go find someone to make him happy. Let's just say that behavior is has not been uncommon before so it makes me even more insecure.

But all and all, I am feeling better. Still sick, but emotionally, better at least and feel things are ok in our marriage. I hate fighting and finding out things I don't want to find. It starts to really eat a person alive. Sometimes when you go looking, you don't want to find things you find out. And then sometimes, you find all the things you do. Its always a chaotic life when you are in a relationship, isn't it?


xoxo Rebecca